Looking back now, I realise that the last six years of my life has revolved around drinking and using. It did not start off bad, six cans once a week on a Saturday. The problem was I did not realise how much I was enjoying it. Anything I tried I loved it.
I started smoking cigarettes when I was fourteen; trying to get that light headedness when inhaled quickly and repeatedly. Hash was soon introduced to me. I was in love, everything became easier. I started smoking before, during and after school. This saw me go through three mainstream schools. Not because I was caught smoking simply because I stopped doing work.
All the teachers expectations left, my respect for them with it. I had bad resentments against them and felt I had to get at them at any given opportunity. This made my parents work phone numbers popular with calls from the principal’s office week in and week out. This caused a lot of turmoil in my relationship with my parents, along with their own marriage.
I began skipping and staying out of school. If I wasn’t in school I couldn’t get in trouble. I was caught for that too and that ceased my funding which had already taken hits. I started robbing more and more, with no limit to what I took. When my home was bled out I moved to the streets. With the streets came older friends and harder drugs.
I was caught in an endless, vicious cycle of addiction. This took me awhile to admit to myself, and longer to my family, who knew anyway. They stood beside me when I wanted to get help I went to Aislinn for assessment with both my parents.
It was the first time I heard my parents story which shocked me. I had caused them so much pain emotionally. Shame, embarrassment and guilt flooded me. I felt tears fill my eyes in that little assessment office. That was the motivation I needed, that raw emotion. Three weeks later I became a resident in Aislinn.
I look forward to recovery and everything it promises.